Whatever floats your boat

Asmallworldista tuli taannoin another uutiskirje, jossa oli hullunkurinen faux pas luettelo jet settailusta. Itse olen liian sarkastinen lukeakseni näitä ilman virnistystä. Tsekatkaapa itse.

So your fabulous friend has finally invited you to fly somewhere on his/her private jet. Your status is about to reach new heights. But truth be told flying private is so full of social turbulence that Emily Post could write a whole chapter about it. Here are the top ten worst possible faux pas. You’ll thank us later.

1. Plane-dropping is the new name-dropping. So as tempting as it is to flaunt the fact that you're popping Crystal on Jay-Z's jet in a Bill Clinton/Carla Bruni sandwich, do not—we repeat, do not—share it on Twitter or Facebook. (That includes photos!) "I'm watching Tiger Woods kiss Asia Argento on A-Rod's G6" is pretty much the fastest way to ensure you’ll never see that again.

2. Alas, flying private doesn't mean you’ll see any private parts. The "coffee-tea-or-me?" era of slutty stewardesses is long gone. (It's a plane, not a time machine!)

3. Take your extracurricular cues from the host. If he's napping, you can nap. If he wants to play Apples to Apples, you play Apples to Apples. If he's watching high-speed internet porn, sorry, no, you still can't watch high-speed internet porn.

4. You'll be treated to 5-star service, but keep your money clip in your pocket. Tipping is not apropos—nor is offering to pay for your share of the fuel.

5. Speaking of which…arrange for your own ground transportation. Do you really want to be that person who hitches rides on a Gulfstream and an Escalade in the same day?

6. Would you ask your host how much money he makes a year? Of course not. So no matter how alpha an aviator you are, don’t ask if the plane is a G4 or G5.

7. If you're an anxious flier, share your Xanax but not your fears with your co-passengers. Nobody likes a Jittery Jane.

8. You're attending a tightly scheduled affair. Show up fashionably late and you’ll be the Child Left Behind. Our advice: Be there at least 20 minutes before wheels up.

9. Early arrival aside, approach the experience as you would a dinner party. Come with a bottle of wine, a few good stories (along with the sense to know when to shut up), and wait for your host to choose his seat—probably closest to the flight deck—before you take yours. When you get home, send a formal, hand-written thank you note.

10. Regardless of how comfortable your new blue Juicy Couture tracksuit is, it's not invited. Go biz cashz or go home.